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The Problem that is Australia

If I were a Conspiracy Theorist I’d be having a little trouble with the Australian Government’s handling of the Mohammed Haneef affair.

Mostly because it seems that a simple conspiracy is beyond John Howard and his cronies.

Let’s recap (crudely). The Australian authorities accuse Mohammed Haneef of aiding and abetting terrorists. How did he do this? He left a cellphone sim card with a cousin, and this cousin (with sim card), two years later, was involved with terrorist activities in the UK. This is, of course, a crime that Mohammed Haneef was unaware he was committing, which would be a dangerous precedent for all Australians (except that it really only affects non-caucasian Australians due to Australia still pretty much having a favoured White Nation Policy). It later transpires that the sim card isn’t an accessory to terrorist action and thus Mohammed Haneef’s real crime is to be related to a terror suspect; that really isn’t a crime. Even worse; it now turns out to be the case that, when Mohammed Haneef was arrested, he was accused of planning terrorist activities in Australia.

Which appears to be a fabrication (read: lie) organised by the Australian Police.

How does the Howard Government react to all of this? They, against the advice of the Courts, suspend Mohammed Haneef visa and plan to send him ‘home.’

Now, if I were a Conspiracy Theorist I’d want to know why the Australian Government aren’t being more successful in hiding their incompetence. What this looks like is a desperate attempt by the Howard Government to create a terror threat which they can then crush and win votes from. Obviously this hasn’t worked (note that I’ve just jumped from an assumption: ‘…looks like a desperate attempt…’ to acting as if my assumption is true ‘Obviously this hasn’t worked…’ – I’m not claiming my story is the most accurate depiction of events; I’m playing with an idea here); not just that but some commentators are claiming this is the final straw for Howard; people barely tolerated the kids being thrown off the Tampa but fabricating a terror threat to try and stay in Government and then trying to badly cover it up is a step too far.

Australia and the United States are known to be close, and most classical Conspiracy Theorists will tell you that the American Government is being run by a number of organsations, including the Trilateral Commission and the Bilderberg Group. If this is so, then why aren’t the Secret Masters of the World doing their bit to help out Australia? In fact, why can’t a fascistic government like Howard’s maintain a simple conspiratorial activity without it spiralling out of control?

As I say, if I thought Conspiracies were abounding I would find this incompetence on part of the Australian authorities infuriating.

Then again, after the PR fiasco that was Saddam and the WMDs perhaps out Secret Masters are still looking for their next Saatchi and Saatchi.